Tag Archives: Postpartum Depression

When You Know Your Family is Complete

I’ve had friends tell me “You’ll just know when you are finished wanting to have more babies.”  It seemed some vague to me…you’ll just know.  How will I know?  Will the two kids I already have drive me to the point of insanity one day and the image of a newborn swaddled in a receiving blanket will no longer seem appealing to me?  Or will I wake up one day and realize the indecisiveness over wanting a third child just isn’t there any more and I can finally get rid of all of the baby stuff that is piled to the ceiling in my basement?  I’ve wondered this since the birth of my daughter for over 3 years and can finally say I understand the “You’ll just know” feeling.

My Baby Boy Nicholas

My Baby Boy Nicholas

This past month has been swamped with baby news.  Friends have been giving birth left and right and pregnancy announcements have been popping up all over the place.  All of this baby news of course made me think, “Maybe we should try for a 3rd.”  I went back and forth with it in my head for days even though my husband had put the idea of a 3rd to rest long ago but I just couldn’t come to peace with it.  Then it hit me, as I was daydreaming about the possibilities of expanding our family, the black cloud of postpartum depression loomed over me.  I suffered from severe postpartum depression after the birth of both of my babies. (Click here to read my postpartum story, Baby Blues to Baby Bliss).  It was to date the most difficult thing I have had to face.  I started to feel the tightening in my chest and the ache in my heart.  I thought of the two beautiful and  healthy children that I was lucky enough to give birth to and how I would never want them to see me go through that nightmare again.  At that moment I JuSt KnEw that I was done having babies and that my family was complete.

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My Baby Girl Abby

I am sure the “You just know” moment is different for every woman.  Whether it is the decision to not have children at all, or to not add any more children to the family you already have.  I suddenly feel a sense of peace knowing that my decision is made and will live each day loving my family of 4.

Please share your “I just knew” moments in the comments section!

~Robyn (Jersey Girl)

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Filed under Family, Getting Real, Good Life, Hard Reality, Life, Parenthood, Relationships

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

Over the course of your life you develop numerous friendships.  Family friends, elementary school friends, high school friends, college friends, work friends, neighborhood friends, parenting friends, and the list goes on and on.  In recent years the use of Facebook has become a way to rekindle friendships that fell to the way side or even ignite friendships with people who at one time were just acquaintances.  In our busy day-to-day lives it can be hard to Be TheRe for all of these friends or to even set aside a time to get together and catch up.  However in the back of our minds there are always those friends who you know would drop everything in an instant if you needed them.

Over four years ago I delivered my son three weeks early after being induced for preeclampsia.  One day after I returned home with my newborn I was rushed to the emergency room with dangerously high blood pressure.  I spent the next three days hooked up to a magnesium drip to get my blood pressure under control.  I was already feeling the onset of postpartum depression (click to read my story) and all of the medication I was now taking made me completely disoriented.  I was in and out of sleep, my vision was blurry, and my head felt like I had been hit my a truck.  While laying in my hospital bed missing my newborn baby boy I looked at the door and was able to make out the outline of someone walking in.  I knew immediately it was my friend Jessica and in that moment I felt peace.  Jessica and I have known each other since we took dancing school together at age four.  We’ve been through so much together and no distance or circumstance has ever kept us apart when it CoUnTs.  That day in the hospital I couldn’t talk or even see her clearly, but that didn’t matter.  She sent my mom home to shower and sat and read magazines while she watched me rest.  She called in sick to work that day because she knew I needed her and to this day I am GrAtEfUl.

The Tracy Lawrence song “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” has always reminded me of our friendship.  I am sure you all have your own “Jessica” in your lives and can relate to the lyrics.

~Robyn (Jersey Girl)

Live-It List Hidden Question of the Week

Which friend can you count on for all of life’s ups and downs?

Comment below to receive 1 point.

For more details: https://thesuedesofa.com/2011/10/02/win-a-coach-purse-the-details/

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Filed under Friends, Good Life, Life, Relationships, Uncategorized

Baby Blues to Baby Bliss

As I CeLebRate my son’s 4th birthday this week and my daughter’s 2nd birthday next month, I also celebrate the amazing gift of mOtherHood.  Always knowing that being a mom was the #1 goal of my life, I couldn’t understand why I was constantly crying after I brought my son home from the hospital.  Baby blues quickly turned to full blown postpartum depression.  Thoughts like, “What was I thinking when I wanted to have a baby,” “Am I ever going to have a conversation with my husband again,” and “I just want to be me again” raced through my head.
Feelings of shame, guilt, and fear felt like they were suffocating me.  I even thought my son might be better off without me.  I thank God for my wonderful  friends, family, and doctors for Getting Me throuGh my darkest moments.  With  therapy and medication I slowly got better and became the mother I so longed to  be.

Two years later I delivered my beAutiful baby girl and like a dark cloud drifting over me, my PPD was back.  As I held my daughter in my hospital bed, I  looked at my husband and said, “It’s back.”  You would think it would be easier  the second time but it was actually worse.  I knew the scary thoughts…I had  just lived them two years ago.  “Why me” was all I could think this  time.

Both bouts with PPD lasted about 2 months.  I try not to dwell on those days as time lost with my babies, but as times that made me FiGht to be the mother I am  today.  I now know that there is No ShaMe in having PPD, it wasn’t my fault that  I got it, and with help you can get through it.  Whether you or someone you know  is going through PPD or any obstacle, remember you CAN get through it and are  stronger than you think!

~Robyn (Jersey Girl)

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Filed under New Jersey Robyn, RANDO•RAMA