I don’t know about you, but when I get upset I want to get it off my chest as soon as I can. Let me tell ya, there are diSadvAntaGes to that. I have found that if I speak my mind as the disagreement arises, I usually regret what was said.
The other day I was aggravated. A first, I let my mind spiral out of control on all the things that bothered me about the situation. Instead of verbalizing them as they came to mind, like I normally do, I took time to think long and hard about what I was going to say before pleading my case. By thinking things through I was able to sift out unnecessary comments that would have been said only due to anger. This was HuGe because back in the day it would have caused our arguments to fester twice as long! By taking the time to fully evaluate the real reason I was upset, I had already calmed down which naturally heLpeD me discuss the situation in a more reasonable manner.
It is easy to want quick results and responses in all that we do. The longer I live, the more I see the benefits in not getting in a HURRY. As painful as it was to keep my mouth shut until I calmed down to carefully choose my words, it allowed me to resolve a problem with a person that wasn’t hurtful to them and regretful to me.
Taking the time to be more selective in what comes out of your mouth. If your thoughts are going a hundred miles an hour, that is not the time to be verbalizing them. Believe me; I know it is dreadful to wait. Your mind is good at convincing you that those racing thoughts ARE truly how you feel. Don’t be fooled. Past arguments are evidence that your mind keeps tricking you, so do everyone a favor and wait this one out.
Is life getting you down? Do you feel like you have bigger problems than those around you? Consider this…
If everyone were to pile all of their problems into the middle of the room, and you could swap yours out,
you’ll probably be in a hurry to grab yours back.
The grass is ALWAYS greener. When we look at everyone around us, we never see the whole picture. Same goes for other people. They probably look at you and wish they could swap their problems with yours. (I know you are laughing, but it is true!) Your life may be tough right now, but don’t be so quick to envy someone else. Your issues may not be so bad after all!
We live in a world that is constantly striving for perfection and it’s only natural to get wrapped up in the cOmPetitioN. Wanting the perfect “life”….ya know the perfect house, car, body, job. Don’t forget giving the perception that your family gets along perfectly and that you have no problems. Ha!
And when some of these areas in our life aren’t PeRfeCt, what do we do? Panic and complain. We get down because we feel like everyone has things bEtteR than we do. We push ourselves to extreme measures just so we can try to keep up with everyone else. The sad thing is, as we waste time stressing about keeping up, we are missing the big picture right in front of us.
I have to remind myself of the important and aMaZiNg things happening before me, instead of complaining about what isn’t perfect in my life (like how my house has a zillion unfinished projects, I forgot to sign my daughter’s homework, or the fact that I have poison ivy on my face and I have a wedding to attend this weekend. Eekk!). Maybe you are so fixated on the fact that you want a new kitchen table during dinner time that you completely miss a sPeCiAL MoMenT from your kids who are sitting in those old worn-out seats. Or maybe every morning you spend your drive envying people that don’t have to leave as early for work, when you are really oVerLoOking that God yearns for your attention the most in the early morning hours.
Take advantage of the good things happening right in front of you. When your thoughts drift toward craving perfection, stop and search for the gOoD in those imperfect moments. After all, your life may not be as bad as you think. It all just depends on how you choose to look at it :)
Have you had a cruddy day at work recently? Did something not go your way? When these disappointments or frustrations happen, who do you take it out on? People at work or your loved ones that had nothing to do with your Bad DaY?
We can all use the reminder every now and then. Don’t take out your bad day on the people you love the most, just because they are the ones that you spend the end of your day with. We can all relate to MoMenTs when we were having a wonderful day and our loved one walked in the door and immediately changed our mood for the worse.
I especially have to ReMemBer this with my kids. When I am stressed my voice ends up yelling when, on a normal day, I would speak to them in softer words. They look at me like, “What did I do!?” and deep down I know that they didn’t deserve the treatment I gave.
So whoever it is–spouse, friend, kid, co-worker–try to bite your tongue and let out your frustrations doing something that won’t bring ThEm down (go on a run, pound into a pillow…whatever you can!). I guess I am writing because I need this reminder more often than I’d like to admit!!
Last week Doug and I went on our first dAtE in quite a while. I can not tell you how great it was to be able to eat a meal and hang out without being interrupted! We were able to talk about things beyond the everyday “stuff” and found ourselves LeArNinG new things about each other, simply because the time was devoted specifically on us.
When the bill came to the table, I initially shrieked at the price because we are the type of people that try to be conservative with our spending. Plus, my hiStoRy has always been to talk myself out of having a date night because it will cost too much—babysitter, meal, entertainment—not to mention all of the work to get the kids ready.
Well, as Doug pulled out his wallet he said, “It was well worth the investment.” How true! I’m not saying that you have to spend money in order to have qUaLity time, but whether it is the money you spend, the appointments you cancel or the things you put on the back burner, you are making a good investment by setting aside these things for your marriage.
It’s time to make your relationship more of a PrioRity. You may think that you and your spouse have drifted so much that you can’t even muster up the confidence or energy to ask them on a “date”. Or maybe you feel guilty leaving the kids because you don’t get to see them enough as it is. Let me tell ya…it is wOrtH iT. The MOST IMPORTANT thing for your family is the time you spend with your spouse. The more quality time you can spend together (without smartphones, distractions, etc) will result in happiness for not only you, but your kids too :)
(As you all know…no relationship is PerFect and they all take work. Click here to read some of our other marriage posts!)
The movie CoUrAgEoUs has really had an impact on Lara and I. So much so, we are working our way through the book Courageous For Women together. (Published by the writers of the movie. You can find a link to the book and movie at the end of this post.) If you have not seen the movie and you asked me to sum it up in one sentence it would be: Have the courage to do the right thing.
Although this movie focuses on fatherhood, having the ChArAcTeR to be courageous applies to all of us.
In what area do you need to step it up? In your parenting? In your marriage? In your thought life? In your diligence on the job? In your faithfulness to others? In your FaiThFuLnEsS to God?
I love this song from the movie and would like to DeDiCaTe it to all the fathers in my life – my dad, my husband, my father-in-law, the men who are like second dad’s to me and most of all, the Greatest Dad ever – who has left the perfect example of what a real Father is – Father God.
We at Suede Sofa wish you a wonderful Father’s Day!!
I remember when Doug and I were dating and we had to carry a heavy piece of furniture out to his truck. After we got done I told him “goOd WoRk” and he replied with “kNow YoUr RoLe”! It made me stop and think for a second…we all play a special role in every task and relationship that we experience.
As the years passed I realized that our roles cHaNgE depending on the situation. For example, when he takes the initiative to call and schedule something for our family, it is my role to be quiet and not ask twenty questions to insure that he did it correctly. His role is to take care of the matter and it is my role to trust him. (And I know if I perform my role correctly, I will avoid potential arguments!)
Another example is in friendships. Every relationship is diFFeRent which means your role changes depending on the person you are communicating with. I LOVE to talk, BUT my role with some people is to be the sounding board. I am happy to play a different role because I know it is needed to keep that friendship strong.
Maybe you’ve never given your “role” much thought. Just remember that even though you have sTroNg qualities, sometimes you aren’t suppose to use them in every role you play. Next time ask yourself, “What is needed the most here? A cheerleader, follower, educator, volunteer, cleaner, etc.?” and take pRiDe in playing the role that is NEEDED most!
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how society overuses certain phrases and responses. For example, when someone asks “How are you doing?” don’t you normally reply with “I’m good”? Whether or not you truly are GoOd, out of habit, your response is always the same.
Another habitual phrase is “We should get together sometime”. How often do you say that but never follow through? Do you really mEaN it or are you just saying it to be nice? Maybe you have good intentions but life gets in the way before remembering to schedule a specific date.
On the flipside, have you ever tried to follow-up with people who wanted to ‘get together sometime’ and it was almost like they fOrGot they ever suggested it?! That was a little awkward, wasn’t it? The situation may have even made you question your relationship with that person.
We have all made pRoMiSes that we can’t keep but how often do we consider how it makes the other person feel? Next time your routine conversation comes into play, stop and ask yourself if the words you speak are siNceRe. By doing so, following through with your commitments will comfort the other person that you value the relationship.
(*I am writing this post because I need this reminder, not because I am trying to hint around that you have broken a promise with me :) No worries! And if I haven’t been prompt on following up with you, please forgive me!)
(Up for an additional challenge? Take your relationship one step further and read my other post If You Feel It, Say It.)
Doug and I woke up one morning and had a small disagreement before he went to work. After he left, I spent the next hour FeeLiNg horrible in my responses to our conversation. I felt insensitive and unsupportive. No matter what I did to distract my thoughts I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened and how gUiLty I felt.
So…I sent him a text that SAID: “Honey I am SO sorry about this morning. I will try harder. Please forgive me.”
In the text back, HE SAID: “Oh, what are you upset about? Whatever happened, I already forgot about it. Have a good day!”
Men. Aren’t they amazing how quickly they “move on” after a fight and don’t consume their entire day analyzing arguments? I have found that if I apologize quickly or improve my mood when conversations start off on the wrong foot, he is already way ahead of me!
I challenge you to try this! When you get in an argument, be the “MAN” in the relationship. Despite how difficult, improve your mood and MOVE ON. If you do, most likely they will too. Don’t waste endless hours replaying the fight in your mind and use that time doing better things with the ones you love.