Tag Archives: all or nothing

{Peace With Food}

This past April, on the Suede Sofa, Lara and I began a 6-month challenge encouraging our readers to pursue a dream or a goal.  My PeRsOnaL ChAllEnGe was to have PeAcE WiTh FoOd.  I’ll have to admit, although the challenge ended October 1st, I’m still working on that.  In fact, this has been a work in progress for um…. well over 25 years.

I first gained excess weight when I was a sophomore in high school.  During the following summer I joined WeiGhT WaTcHeRs and lost all the weight I had gained.  Because I was an athlete it wasn’t too difficult keeping it off.

Then came college.  I gained the “FrEsHmEn 15” plus some.  Having the freedom to eat whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted, those pounds didn’t come off fast or easy.  The rest of my college years I saw my weight go up and down.  Mostly up.  By the time I got married, 10-plus years after college graduation, I had managed to get back to my HiGh ScHooL WeiGhT.  What a relief!

Then came children.  The scale went up once again.  Over 50 pounds.  But after my 2nd child was born I decided to GeT SeRioUs about losing the weight.  I was tired of all the fluctuations and wanted to establish life-long habits that would sustain the loss.

So, in April of 2009, after having a “CoMe To JeSuS” talk with myself I decided I would do whatever it took.  I had actually begged myself, in the “SpiRiT oF ExPeriMenTatiOn”, to try eating really healthy (lots of fruits and vegetables) and eliminate (for the most part) all junk food for just three months.  Along with eating healthy I wanted to exercise a lot, which wasn’t that big of a deal as it had already been part of my lifestyle.  So the decision was made.  I would live with ReCkLeSs AbAndOn and find out once and for all if this would “work” for me.  Well, three months later, I was 25 pounds lighter, so I guess the answer would be “Yes”.


If you are looking only at the numbers then the answer would be “Yes”, but if you looked at what was going on InTerNaLLy, the answer would be “No”.  Even though I reached my goal exactly by the date I had set, I wasn’t happy, nor at peace.  Immediately after hitting my goal of my all-time low I began to gain weight.  Over the next six months I gained about 13 pounds.  So once again I decided to go on a strict diet and lose the unwanted weight.

TaKe TwO:

This time around I TrAcKed My ProGreSs very closely.   I included everything from what caused my “mess-ups”, the time of the day I messed up, what was going on internally, etc.  The information was invaluable and as a result I have written about all my lessons in a book I hope to get published sometime soon.

On this second try I worked out even harder and lost even more than I had the first time around.  But due to an All-Or-NoThiNg mindset when I failed to reach my goal on the date I had set (I was only four pounds away) I threw my hands up and totally lost control for about a month which resulted in me gaining much of the weight back.

TaKe ThReE.

I’m on my third take, but this time is different.  I have a NeW oBjeCtiVe.  It is not a number on a scale or a number (a.k.a. a certain size) on the tag of a piece of clothing.  No more QuiCk FiXeS.  No more CraZy DiEts.  No more excessive workouts just to lose a pound or two.  No more being fixated on food whether that is dreaming of what I am going to eat, or being obsessed with eating only a certain kind or amount of food and staying within those strict limitations.

Instead it is…




Plain and simple.  And the contentment that comes with knowing that FoOd DoeSn’t RuLe My LiFe.

I’ll be sharing with you the LeSsoNs I have learned.  They have worked for me.  Maybe some will speak to you.  Others you may find obsolete.  Take what works and leave the rest behind.

If you find yourself on this journey I pray you FiNd HoPe and then the CouRaGe to take the steps to get to FrEeDoM and PeAcE WiTh FoOd.



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Filed under All-Or-Nothing, Inspiration, Peace w/ Food, You

Use The Resources You Have

If you’ve been following our blog you may have seen me talk about dealing with an “All-Or-Nothing” mindset.  I struggle with this thinking and am diligently working to change this crazy TrAiN Of ThouGht.  Here is one thing that is helping me out a GreAt dEaL.  I recently have adopted the thinking, “Use The Resources You Have”.  I actually say this to myself and Lara & I talk about it often.  This gives me “PerMisSiOn” to continue on even when the situation is not “PeRfEcT”. 

So what, that I’ve MeSsEd uP, had a rough day, got off to a bad start or things just aren’t going like they are suppose to go?  I ReFuSe to have the mindset, “May as well throw in the towel for today.  I’ll start again tomorrow.”  I won’t mess up the rest of my day with that notion.  Instead I’ll use the resources I have.  In this case, it is the ReSt oF tHe DaY – completely free of mistakes and disappointments.  Who knows what good thing may be just around the corner?

What are you lacking in?  Time, inspiration, money, education, energy, health, a good childhood, etc.  It really doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you Do HaVE. 

I don’t know if this advice will help you, but it sure has helped me.  Do I have this MaSteReD?  No, but I’m a work in progress.  A LittLe At a TiMe.



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The Over-Rated “All”

I once heard a quote that said, “I would rather ShOoT for the StArS and HiT the MoOn, than shoot for nothing and hit it every time.”  Unfortunately, I can’t relate.  My natural tendency is to say, “Give me the stars or nothing at all, BaBy”  It’s insane, I know.  But I’m working on it. 

If you have the “All-Or-Nothing” mindset, you know what I’m talking about.  You actually believe that PeRfeCtiOn is pOsSiBle, so while the world is passing you by you aimlessly grasp for the air.  Could it be that American poet Wallace Stevens was on to something when he said, “The ImPerFeCt is our PaRaDiSe”?  One way I overcome this mindset is to think about all the bLeSsiNgS in my life that I would not have had things gone according to my plans. 

What pLeAsUrEs are unknowingly slipping right past you as you pursue an illusive “All”?

Many MoOns have passed without me getting to enjoy them, but not any more.  I’ve had the ReVeLaTiOn that “All” is OvErrAtEd.  I’ll still shoot for the stars, but if I miss them, I’ll take the moon, Thank-you. :)


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Filed under All-Or-Nothing, Life

Write Your Legacy

The year is 2111.  Your history has been written.  What does yours say?  What is your legacy?

I think, for me, this may be the single most important aspect of dealing with an All-Or-Nothing mindset – seeing the BiG PiCtUrE.  The best way I have found to do this is to “write my legacy.”  I literally have put down on paper what I want my legacy to look like.  Here are some of my random thoughts:

  • My kids don’t have to LoOk PeRfEcT.
  • I (and my life) don’t have to look perfect.
  • My house doesn’t have to look perfect.  (Definitely easier said than done!)
  • People take PriOriTy over things – (Including schedules, my plans, etc)
  • My purpose – loving God and others

I don’t nail this 100% of the time, but I’m doing my best to hit the mark as much as I can.  Hopefully I get closer every day. 

What’s your legacy?



Filed under All-Or-Nothing, Life, You

“800 Pound Gorilla In The Room” – The Challenge (Wk 7)

We all seem to have that InFaMoUs GoRillA hanging around – that thing that is larger than life, distracting, paralyzing, and oh so annoying.

My 800 pound gorilla?  “All-Or-Nothing” thinking.  I’m not sure why I deal with this issue.  I’ve tried to trace it back to my childhood, my personality and a host of other psychological explanations, but to no avail.  Sometimes it really doesn’t matter “why”, you just need to get on with it and deal with the “what”.

This issue first surfaced for me as af freshman in college.  In high school I was a good student.  I did exactly what my teachers asked and as a result got A’s and B’s.  However, when I went to college and realized I could not read the 1,000 pages assigned in a particular class for one week I threw up my hands and simply gave up.  I never got any D’s, but I did get plenty of C’s – something that previously was foreign to me.  My “All-Or-Nothing mindset just wouldn’t let me AdApT aNd AdJuSt to the situation.  I made it through college alright, but did so disappointed, knowing that I did not reach my potential and definitely did not give it my best.

As time went on my “All-Or-Nothing” thinking continued to plague me in other areas of my life until I finally said, “EnOuGh!”

(I’ll share how I’ve learned to deal with this issue in future posts.  So, stay tuned…!)

I may not have mastered this entirely (YET) but the one thing I have to say is. . .



Adapted from my book on peace with food.


Filed under All-Or-Nothing, Dream Big, Inspiration, Inspire, Life, The Challenge