Tag Archives: How To Win Friends And Influence People

A Drop Of Honey

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: A Drop Of Honey.

Principle:  Begin in a friendly way.

“‘If you come at me with your fists double,” said Woodrow Wilson, ” I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,’ we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.'”  (pg. 143)

“If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom.  Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds.  They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me.  But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly'”  (pg. 145)

“It is an old and true maxim that ‘a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’  So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.  Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.”  (pg. 146)

“Daniel Webster… one of the most successful advocates who ever pleaded a case; yet he ushered in his most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as:  ‘It will be for the jury to consider,’  ‘This may perhaps, be worth thinking of, ‘  ‘Here are some facts that I trust you will not lose sight of,’  or ‘You, with your knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of these facts.’  No bulldozing.  No high-pressure methods.  No attempt to force his opinions on others.  Webster used the soft-spoken, quiet, friendly approach, and it helped to make him famous.”‘  (pg. 146-147)

Principle:  Begin in a friendly way.

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If You’re Wrong, Admit It

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: If You’re Wrong, Admit It.

Principle:  If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

“If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?  Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?   Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say – and say them before that person has a chance to say them.  The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.”  (pg. 137)

“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the  courage to admit one’s errors.  It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.'”  (pg. 138)

“Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes  – and most fools do – but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.”  (pg. 139)

“Remember the old proverb:  “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”‘  (pg. 142)

Principle:  If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

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{Your Favorite Name}

Do you know what the all-time FaVoRiTe name is that people like to hear?  If you said, “Their own” you are right.  There is just something about a person’s name.  Remember someone’s name and you will have their instant friendship.  Forget or mispronounce a name and you will have committed a grave offense.

Remembering names in not an easy task.  It takes WoRk.  And because of that we like to justify it by saying, “I’m not good with names.”  The fact of the matter is that there are very few people who are naturally good at remembering names.   So, unless you are one of those people with a knack for remembering you are going to have to work on this if you want to be good at it.

If you read books on PeOpLe skills you see this principle of remembering names appear over and over.  It is that important.  If you want to improve your people skills start practicing remembering names.  How?   The same way you would prepare for a test:  to study.  When you meet someone, try to associate their name with something that you can easily remember.  {For example, you meet a Karen at Pre-school and you associate her with your mom, whose name is Karen}.  Then as soon as you can, write their name down along with where you met them and the thing you associate their name with.   As you read their name over and over, you will be better at remembering.

It may take a little extra time on your part, but the ReWaRd will be well worth it!



Want to learn more about people skills?  Check out Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People”

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