Tag Archives: Dale Carnegie

What Everybody Wants

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter:  What Everybody Wants.

Principle:  Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

“Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively?  Yes?  All right.  Here it is:  ‘I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do.  If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.’  An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive.  And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he does.”  (pg. 176)

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy.  Give it to them, and they will love you.”  (pg. 177)

Principle:  Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

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A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter:  A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You.

Principle:  Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

“Remember that other people may be totally wrong.  But they don’t think so.  Don’t condemn them.  Any fool can do that.  Try to understand them.  Only wise-tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.”  (pg. 170)

“Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.”  (pg. 170)

“If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own – if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.”  (pg. 175)

Principle:  Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

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How To Get Cooperation

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: How To Get Cooperation.

Principle:  Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

“Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter?  If so, isn’t it bad judgment to try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people?  Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions – and let the other person think out the conclusion.”  (pg. 164)

“No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing.  We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.  We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.”  (pg. 165)

Principle:  Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

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The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints.

Principle:  Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

“Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves.  Let the other people talk themselves out.  They know more about their business and problems than you do.  So ask them questions.  Let them tell you a few things.”  (pg. 158)

“If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt.  But don’t.  It is dangerous.  They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression.  So listen patiently and with an open mind.  Be sincere about it.  Encourage them to express their ideas fully.”  (pg. 158)

“La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said:  ‘If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.’  Why is that true?  Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they – or at least some of them – will feel inferior and envious.”  (pg. 162)

Principle:  Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

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The Secret Of Socrates

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: The Secret of Socrates.

Principle:  Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing – the things on which you agree.”  (pg. 152)

“Hence it is of the very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction.  The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses.  This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.”  (pg. 152)

“I finally learned that it doesn’t pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying “yes, yes.”  (pg. 156)

“Socrates, ‘the gadfly of Athens’ was one of the greatest philosophers the world has ever known. He did something that only a handful of men in all history have been able to do:  he sharply changed the whole course of human thought; and now, twenty-four centuries after his death, he is honored as one of the wisest persuaders who ever influenced this wrangling world.  His method?  Did he tell people they were wrong?  Oh no, not Socrates.  He was far too adroit for that…He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree.  He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses.”  (pg. 157)

“The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old wisdom of the Orient:  ‘He who treads softly goes far.’”  (pg. 157)

Principle:  Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

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A Drop Of Honey

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: A Drop Of Honey.

Principle:  Begin in a friendly way.

“‘If you come at me with your fists double,” said Woodrow Wilson, ” I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,’ we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.’”  (pg. 143)

“If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom.  Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds.  They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me.  But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly’”  (pg. 145)

“It is an old and true maxim that ‘a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’  So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.  Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.”  (pg. 146)

“Daniel Webster… one of the most successful advocates who ever pleaded a case; yet he ushered in his most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as:  ‘It will be for the jury to consider,’  ‘This may perhaps, be worth thinking of, ‘  ‘Here are some facts that I trust you will not lose sight of,’  or ‘You, with your knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of these facts.’  No bulldozing.  No high-pressure methods.  No attempt to force his opinions on others.  Webster used the soft-spoken, quiet, friendly approach, and it helped to make him famous.”‘  (pg. 146-147)

Principle:  Begin in a friendly way.

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If You’re Wrong, Admit It

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: If You’re Wrong, Admit It.

Principle:  If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

“If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?  Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?   Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say – and say them before that person has a chance to say them.  The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.”  (pg. 137)

“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the  courage to admit one’s errors.  It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.’”  (pg. 138)

“Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes  – and most fools do – but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.”  (pg. 139)

“Remember the old proverb:  “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”‘  (pg. 142)

Principle:  If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

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A Sure Way Of Making Enemies – And How To Avoid It

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: A Sure Way Of Making Enemies – And How To Avoid It.

Principle:  Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong”.

“You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words.”  (pg. 123)

“There’s magic, positive magic in such phrases as:  “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.  Let’s examine the facts.’”  (pg. 125)

“Few people are logical.  Most of us are prejudiced and biased.”  (pg. 126)

“We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts…It is obviously not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem.”  (pg. 126-127)

“If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography… he conquered the iniquitous habit of argument and transformed himself into one of the most able, suave and diplomatic men in American history.”  (pg. 128-129)

“Be diplomatic,” counseled the King.  “It will help you gain your point.’” (pg. 134)

Principle:  Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong”.

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You Can’t Win An Argument

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter: You Can’t Win An argument.

Principle: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

“You can’t win an argument.”  (pg. 117)

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”  (pg. 117)

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”  (pg. 118)

“So figure it out for yourself.  Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person’s good will?  You can seldom have both.”  (pg. 118)

Principle: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

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How To Make People Like You Instantly

Quotes from How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Edition) by Dale Carnegie:

Chapter:  How To Make People Like You Instantly.

Principle:  Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

“There is one all-important law of human conduct.  If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.  In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness.  But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.  The law is this:  Always make the other person feel important.  John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature: and William James said:  “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.’” (pg. 100)

“Jesus summed it up in one thought – probably the most important rule in the world:  “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’” (101)

“Remember what Emerson said:  “Every man I meet is my superior in some way.  In that, I learn of him.’” (104)

“Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire.  “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.’” (pg. 111)

Principle:  Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

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