Marriage Can Taste Like Vinegar

{With the support and approval of my husband, I am sharing this with you.  Thanks Babe.}

Two weeks ago Doug went on a hunting trip with his college buddies.  I am rarely eXciTed when he tells me he is going to be gone for 3 days, especially since his job requires him to travel so much.  I also resent the fact that it isn’t as easy for me to get away, and even when I do, I feel gUilTy for leaving my family.  I guess because I feel that way I assume he should too!

Each time he leaves for these extended weekends, it is very pRedicTable on what the mood will be.  I’m usually not very peppy because I’m worn out from watching the kids and need a break.  He feels like every time he calls home to check in I try to make him feel bad for leaving (which he is probably right).  When he finally comes home it is hard to cOnnEct because we’ve built up a large wall between us.

Well, that is where we were when he came home on Saturday.  After we finally broke the ice, we ended up having the same disagreement regarding his extended trips, and it ended the same as all the others ….with no one happy.  We walked in separate directions of the house, with nothing but knots in our stomachs.

One GooD thing about our marriage is neither one of us can stand being mad at each other very long.  This time around, I beat him to the punch.  I walked up to him, and although it tasted like vinegar, said, “Are we oKay? I don’t want to spend the whole day being mad at each other” and hugged him.  I have to admit, even at that point I wanted to pull away and scream with frustration. But staying frustrated wasn’t going to get us anywhere and I didn’t want to spend any more time being mad.  I would rather suck it up and mAkEup vs. be mad and alone.

Marriage isn’t always eAsy.  In fact, it takes a lot of work much of the time.  If you are having a similar argument that has lasted 20 minutes, 2 days or several months, there is no better time than now to make a mends.  From experience I know that the longer you go without breaking down those walls, the easier it is to keep separating.  We know where too much separation leads, and no one wants that.

So, even though it may taste like vinegar, do the right thing and reconnect.  You are probably to the point you don’t even know what you are mad about, you are just MAD.  Do your marriage a favor and make this holiday season an extra special one by breaking down the walls between you and the ones you love.

~Lara

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11 Comments

Filed under Marriage, Relationships

11 responses to “Marriage Can Taste Like Vinegar

  1. Sara

    Just try to learn how to dance without stepping on each other toes. It most certainty takes a great deal of time and practice.

  2. Robyn

    Well said Lara! My parents have a rule that my husband and I have lived by since we met….never go to sleep angry!

  3. Miranda

    Lara,

    My husband and I have a similar thing occur, only it’s when he is gone for work….the military. Recently, he went to Korea, and was gone for the last 4 months of my pregnancy. He came home for the birth, and had to go back again. And that’s when our problem started. I recovered from a c-section, took care of our newborn and 2 other children, and prepped our house and life for a PCS to South Korea in less than 3 months time. I was fuming mad at him toward the end because I felt I wasn’t getting the emotional support I needed from him. He couldn’t see what the big deal was because he wasn’t choosing to be away from me during that time. I have been in Korea for about a month now. We are still working on breaking the wall down that was built between us. Marriage is hard…but I have faith that we will get through this time in our life. Until then, he has been great about trying to take the kids more so I can get some extra rest. And I am thankful for that. :)

    Hope you are well!

    Miranda

    • Wow, Miranda. You have been through so much. Well, you are certainly not alone. Although our situations are a little different, the feelings are still the same. I am glad you are finally together as a family and that you are getting some help and rest! Breaking down those walls is so tough, but something you’ll never regret, especially if you work on it sooner vs. putting it off for later. Will be praying for you guys. Thanks for commenting. It means a lot to know that people can relate to what I am going through…you help me feel normal too :)

      Best,
      Lara

  4. Melissa

    Thanks for sharing Lara! This is something Kenny & I struggle with also. With his job being gone M-F and me taking care of chores, a 2 & 4 year old, 2 daycares in different towns & commuting 117 miles a day to a 3rd town for my 8-5 job, it’s SO hard not to feel resentment towards him sleeping all night, eating out, & house keeping at the hotel making his bed everyday. While I feel like some days I am barely keeping my head above water with daily tasks at home. BUT I just have to remind myself that there are other couples doing the same thing. I know he misses out on a lot being gone all week & that it really is hard on him to and how much fun can it really be to spend more time living out of a duffle bag and sleeping in a strange bed more than your own. I always said we would be together forever since we’re never around each other long enough to argue Ha-Ha! Although I will admit with our jobs this lifestyle is getting harder for me with 2 kids now. In the end most of all I truly feel fortunate that our relationship is solid and trusting enough to allow us to live like this.
    Keep up the good work on the Blog girls, I enjoy reading them!
    Melissa

    • I Sooo hear you, Melissa! I feel like I’m trying to keep my head above water most days. It is very easy to get down on ourselves, our situation, and feel like everyone else has it together, when we don’t. The reality is, pretty much everyone feels this way, in at least one area of their life. Most people just aren’t willing to be honest about that.

      Thanks for sharing this. The more we share what we are going through, the more we all feel like we have support. When I am running crazy today, I will think of you…and know I’m not alone :) There is great comfort in that!

      Thanks for commenting. It means a lot to me.
      ~Lara

  5. 15 years into our marriage and we still have these moments. Too often we get a romanticized view of what being married really is… it’s mutual hard work and continuous effort on both parties parts. Congrats for working on it and moving forward. There are no winners when traveling the same road doing the silent treatment (I got it worse than you) mode. God will honor your choices and continued efforts! :-) Blessings!

    • Lara

      I completely agree! I just told me husband this morning that TV and media make everyone think that being in love (& being romantic) comes really easy. The reality is, like anything else that you want to be good at—it takes work and practice. Thanks for commenting! I really appreciate the feedback! ~Lara

  6. Pingback: I Was Hiding and I Didn’t Know It | Suede Sofa

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