Growing up I was extremely lucky as far as my weight was concerned. I was able to eat whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted and never gained a pound. I didn’t worry about my clothes fitting and I didn’t think twice about wearing a bikini to the beach. By age 25 I got married, my metabolism had started changing, and the weight started creeping up. Over two years of infertility led to more weight gain and I delivered my son weighing 67 pounds heavier than I was on my wedding day.
After Nicholas was born I decided to join Weight Watchers to help take the weight off. Knowing that getting back to my pre-baby weight was NoT A ReAliTy, I set a goal that I thought I could maintain. Losing the weight was the easy part…keeping it off was another story. Over the next year and a half I watched the scale go up and down until I reached my goal weight for the second time only to find out a week later that I was pregnant with my daughter. WoO-hOo, not only was I shocked and elated that I was pregnant without having to go through the grueling infertility struggle that I went through for my son, but now I had a FrEePaSs to eat whatever I wanted again.
I didn’t gain as much weight with Abby’s pregnancy as I did with Nicholas’, but I don’t think having a toasted coconut donut and a large dunkachino every day from May to August was a smart move. My weight fluctuated for the next year and a half until it got to a point where I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. There were many people, friends and family included, who would say, “You are small you don’t need to lose weight.” I was already upset and stressed about the way I looked and when I heard things like that it made me feel like what I was going through WaSn’T ReaL to anyone else. I got to a point where I was eating and eating ridiculous amounts of snacks and sweets and I wasn’t fitting into any of my clothes. I was my highest non-pregnancy weight and just couldn’t get control of it. As NuTtY as it may sound, I decided that taking a picture of myself in the mirror wearing my bra and underwear was going to be my motivation. I loathed and hated the picture. The girl in the picture was so far from who I wanted to be and it was a huge WaKe-Up CaLL. It is one thing to stuff yourself into clothes and cover up with a big shirt or sweater, but it is another to look at yourself over and over again with nothing sucking you in or hiding the skin.
I joined Weight Watchers again in January 2011, but this time I did all of my weigh-ins online and downloaded the Weight Watchers app on my phone. I followed the plan, but allowed myself to ChEaT a little on weekends. By June I had lost 20 pounds and was thrilled with my success. I’ve struggled since June to keep the weight off, but am trying to make peace with myself and accept the ups and downs that come with weight loss.
With Thanksgiving tomorrow and Christmas right around the corner I know the next month is not going to be easy. I know denying myself treats like sweet potato casserole and Christmas cookies will only make me depressed so I will allow myself to indulge in the things that I love, but at a reasonable helping. If I notice the weight starting to CrEeP back up, I know I have my trusty camera and can stand in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear anytime!